We are called to be his

“Don’t worry about all those books,” Father waved his hand dismissively. “Just go to Adoration and ask Jesus what he wants you to say.”

It was my senior year of college, and I had come to one of the campus priests for some advice on a presentation that I had to give in an upcoming class. Talking in front of people was just the worst, and on top of that, I had spent hours pouring through stacks and stacks of books, but could not think of a single thing to say.

I tip-toed hesitantly into the Adoration chapel, pen and paper in hand, and sat and looked at Jesus for a while. “Okay, Jesus, what do you want me to say?” I asked.

About half an hour later, I emerged triumphantly with everything I wanted to say scribbled on my paper, and a big smile on my face.

Needless to say, I passed that presentation, but that moment taught me much more than that. I learned that when I am anxious and worried, the solution lies in Jesus, not in myself. When I labor and am burdened, I really can come to him to find rest.

I have a tendency to work harder and faster when I feel anxious, but Jesus has been teaching me to come and sit at his feet instead.

A few years after college, I was a novice with SOLT (The Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity). I decided that, for Lent, I would spend an extra ten minutes in the chapel each day. As religious sisters, we already pray in common five or six times a day, including a daily holy hour. However, I felt Jesus calling me to spend extra time with him alone, even when I was busy.

One day during this time, I was helping to organize a retreat for our school kids. I had a list of time-sensitive jobs to do, and it was really hard to pull myself away and sit with Jesus for those extra ten minutes. When I came out, I found that during the time I was with Jesus, the many items on my list had easily fallen into place better than I could have planned them myself. I felt like Jesus was smiling, and saying, “See! I can take care of things for you! You just be with me.”

I remember once hearing a quote by St. Francis de Sales which said, “Half an hour’s meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed.” What struck me most about this quote is that when I am very busy, I should pray more. It seems so paradoxical, but then again, everything about my spouse is paradoxical. I never would have had the idea to give life to the world by dying on a cross!

During my time here in the Turtle Mountains of North Dakota, Jesus has continued to confirm what he has been teaching me throughout my life about prayerful surrender and trust in him. Shortly after I was assigned here in 2022, one of our parishioners told me in conversation how she always stops to pray during Jesus’ hour when she sees the clock strike 3:33. Ever since then, my eyes seem to frequently fall on the clock right at that moment, and I know he is looking at me. Sometimes I am busy, and my stony heart actually experiences a flash of annoyance at the interruption, but then I remember who I am—his spouse—and I stop and look back at him. It is a constant reminder that his eyes are on me and he calls me to intimacy with himself at every moment.

Yes, I am called to serve, but first and foremost, I am called to be his. As a consecrated spouse of Jesus, I have the privilege of being a living sign of what we are all ultimately made for—union and communion with the Most Holy Trinity.